Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
