Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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