I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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