I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
