i already hear my dad disowning me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
