What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
