just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no you cant smoke seaweed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
