Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
