sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
