I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love you.
Bad choice
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
