I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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