awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
