My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize