I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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