yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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