she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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