i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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