You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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