i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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