Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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