Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
