Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
