i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
