So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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