girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
