I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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