ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
