He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
