Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
