i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
