Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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