i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
