i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
