You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
