I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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