OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
