I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
