did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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