I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
