Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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