It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
