There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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