Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
