Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
