my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
