last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
