Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
