bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
