Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
