trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
