You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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