FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
