when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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