no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
