Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
