Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
