shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
