Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She bit a glass in half.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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