i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
