So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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