Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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