Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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