I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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