Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
