remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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