Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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