He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
